A Lifetime a Legacy: Ellen Byrnes, Matriarch Known for Strong Will, Generous Nature
Ellen at her 90th birthday with her beloved Bailey.
One industrious local family recently lost its matriarch.
Ellen Byrnes, mother of Mary Ellen Ford and Kate Nestor, and mother-in-law to Avalon Coffee founders Sean Ford and Mike Nestor, died Jan. 4 at age 96. She will be warmly remembered for her self-determination, strong will and generous nature.
The South Philadelphia native was born Ella Mae Butler in 1924. Perhaps inspired by those rapidly changing times of the Roaring Twenties into which she was born, Ella Mae had no fear of change and applied it as she saw fit. When Ella decided that her first name did not suit her, she unofficially renamed herself Ellen (though she was always Ella to family members, like her beloved sisters, Lucille Holderness and the late Loretta Morgan). Generations later, granddaughters Kelly Spano and Marielle Devlin each chose one of their grandmother Nan’s original birth names for their daughters, Ella Spano and Clare Mae Devlin.
Wishing to assist in the World War II effort, Ellen joined the U.S. Navy’s WAVES. The WAVES, or Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service, were founded in 1942. Never mind that the age range required to enlist was 20 to 49 years of age and that Ellen was 18. Ellen simply applied a few drops of bleach to her birth certificate and served her country in a unit outside of Washington until the Navy caught on and she was honorably discharged.
Five years later, on Labor Day weekend of 1947, Ellen first dated another South Philly native who served in the Navy, Matthew J. Byrnes. Within six weeks, they eloped and married.
Together, they suffered the tragic loss of their first child, Deborah. Their daughter was 17 months old when she died. In their grief, “Mom and Dad turned to the church” and their Catholic faith became a priority for the rest of their lives, says Mary Ellen Ford. For years, Ellen served the church as a Eucharist Minister, helping priests distribute Holy Communion at Masses.
Matt and Ellen Byrnes raised their family in Warminster, Pa., with summers at the Jersey Shore. They relocated to Avalon in 1986. The couple enjoyed 42 years of marriage until Matt’s death in 1990. Granddaughter Kelly Spano notes that Ellen borrowed a Bette Midler song title, “Wind Beneath My Wings,” in describing her loving husband Matt.
During the 1960s, Ellen left homemaking and went to work as a physical therapy assistant. “Mom joked that her career began at age 47,” Mary Ellen Ford recalls. That 20-year, part-time career introduced Ellen to friends who became like family members.
Chuck Panepresso, now assistant principal for student services at Archbishop Ryan High School in Philadelphia, first met Ellen when he served as a teen volunteer at Holy Redeemer Hospital in Warminster.
“We just hit it off first conversation,” says Panepresso, who mentions Ellen’s loving, upbeat attitude. They stayed in touch over the years. “There has been no friend like Ellen in my life … a special lady … blessed!” Panepresso muses. “She is in my heart. Her impact is a big part of who I am as a person.”
Ellen’s friendship also applied to family members.
“My Nan was like my best friend. I’ve lived all over the country, but I would never stop talking to her multiple times a week,” says grandson Matthew Ford. “Nan genuinely cared about everyone; she deeply cared for so many people that it was amazing.”
Ellen constantly helped out whenever and wherever need arose, as well.
If anyone needed a ride, Ellen and her taupe Taurus station wagon were revving and ready to provide transportation for that person or persons. Her sister Lucille never drove, so these close siblings spent lots of car time together. Parish priests and nuns in need of a lift could count on Ellen. Her four grandchildren, and often their friends who knew her as Nan, were Ellen’s passengers from their younger years through their high school days.
“She would give all the kids in town rides to wherever they needed to go, even when one of her grandchildren was not with her,” grandson Matthew Ford reminisces.
Ellen’s Taurus in action was a familiar sight on the island and at Wildwood Catholic High School’s student pickup line, Kelly Spano says. Nan was also “always there for us at important events, like graduations, dance recitals, school plays and more,” she adds.
After her sons-in-law opened Avalon Coffee in 1994, Ellen helped out at the shop in various ways. On occasion, Ellen might be needed to supervise a truck delivery. Around Christmastime, she designed and put together gift baskets from Avalon Coffee. Because of her passion and flair for decorating, Ellen’s fingerprints are all over the shop’s décor. “Sean referred to Mom as Avalon Coffee’s ‘chairman of the board,’ ” says his spouse, Mary Ellen Ford.
That passion and flair for decorating also applied to Ellen’s home, which by all accounts she redecorated regularly. More than a few of her household furnishings, and many a gift given to her children and grandchildren, were purchased from her favorite televised retailer, QVC. Passing from room to room in Ellen’s home, circa 1890, one loses count of furniture items and home accessories on tables and walls that Mary Ellen Ford notes were purchased from QVC.
Ellen’s long-held interest in style was not limited to home furnishings. She took pride in dressing her daughters, and often her grandchildren, properly for all occasions. “Mom had the eye for color, style and fashion,” Mary Ellen Ford says. Their mother dressed Kate and her as twins during their childhood. “We’re Irish twins,” she adds.
As students at William Tennent High School in Warminster, Pa., the Byrnes sisters each won “Best Dressed” in their class thanks in part to Ellen’s fashion sense, recalls son-in-law Mike Nestor. There were some 700 to 900 students in William Tennent’s classes of 1974 and ’75, adds the school alum who was then Kate’s high school sweetheart.
As for Ellen’s personal style, “Mom wore skirts, nylons and pumps for most of her life,” says Mary Ellen Ford, and Kate agrees. Their mother shunned flat shoes and never owned sneakers, they say. Ellen first wore slacks when she was well into her 80s. This change in fashion perspective was a practical response to a nasty fall that damaged Ellen’s legs; the octogenarian considered pants to be a better buffer if she took another tumble.
In terms of temperament, family members make it clear that Ellen held strong opinions. If one wished to know her thoughts on a matter, one best brace oneself for Ellen’s reply, they say. Ellen displayed two plaques in her kitchen. A bright yellow one reads, “I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.” A tiny plaque proclaims, “I’m not opinionated, I’m just always right.”
Indeed, “Nan was brutally honest,” says granddaughter Marielle Devlin.
A third plaque also hangs in Ellen’s home. It reads, “An Irish mother is a blessing from heaven.” Speaking for the family at her Nan’s funeral, Kelly Spano expressed a similar sentiment: “We truly enjoyed an angel here on Earth and now have one in heaven!”
