What’s In My Backpack, You Ask?
I can complicate my life with the best of them. Blaming myself for things I have no control over. Waiting till the absolute last minute to complete a task I had a month to take care of (like this article). Too many passwords. Too many TV channels. Attempting to text while, well, doing everything. I have become incapable of doing one thing at a time.
But not when it comes to the beach. I like to think of myself as a beach minimalist. When I’m ready to hit the sand, I believe in making my life easy. No umbrella. No tent. No cart on wheels to drag over the dunes. No cooler. No blanket. No boogie board. (After all, I am the Bodysurfing Champion of the World, so who needs a board?)
When I’m ready to head toward the surf, I bring two items. Two. My beach chair with the little roof (hence the reason I don’t need an umbrella). And my backpack. That’s it. If it doesn’t fit in my backpack, it’s not making it. Simple as that.
First of all, it’s a regular old backpack. Not some oversized monstrosity like I’m about to climb Mount Everest or bump into Reese Witherspoon from the movie “Wild.” I didn’t even pay for it. It’s a backpack that was given to my wife Debbie when she went to a medical conference in Denver more than 10 years ago. It has two mesh pouches on the sides and two zippered pockets in the front as well as plenty of room in the middle. Let’s examine what makes the cut.
MAGAZINES
I am a magazine junkie. I subscribe to more than 10 mags and there are always other periodicals laying around 94WIP that I add to the pile. Magazines and newspapers have become extremely important to me since I became a talk-show host more than 20 years ago. I now read maybe one novel a year where I used to devour close to 30. The reason for this is that I get countless more facts and tidbits out of these rags that I can bring to the airwaves than I would out of Stephen King’s 217th book. When I read an interesting fact, I highlight it with my marker and tear the page out of the mag and eventually it makes it to a folder that I bring on air. So when my three-day weekend starts, my backpack is stuffed to the gills with Sports Illustrated, Rolling Stone, Popular Mechanics and the like, and as the days go by the backpack lightens up. To sit on the beach without something to read feels naked. I simply won’t do it and I haven’t joined the Kindle crowd yet. One other benefit to magazines is that two of the mags I subscribe to come with crossword puzzles and I love getting everyone I’m sitting with involved: “I need a three-letter word for ‘feline’ that begins with ‘C.’ ” (I didn’t say we were a bright bunch.) By the way, you didn’t really believe the Popular Mechanics reference, did you?
SUNSCREEN AND WATER
The sunscreen in one side mesh pouch and the water in the other. What kind of sunscreen? Whatever is laying around the house. I am not one of these knuckleheads who takes an hour at the drugstore deciding what number SPF to buy like it’s nuclear science. As for the water? It now goes into one of those S’well water bottles that I have fallen in love with. Cold water all day!
BINOCULARS
USCAMEL makes an awesome pair for less than 50 bucks that are tiny but powerful when you want to get a better look at that great white Mary Kate heading your way. And guys? They also serve another very useful purpose, if you get my drift. Never leave home without them.
HEADPHONES
First off, I can’t wear earbuds. I just can’t get those critters to stay in. So I have to wear over-the-ear headphones. Not only are Dr. Dre’s Beats a little bulky for my backpack, I don’t think they’re worth the dough they charge for them, and lastly, they are an invite for theft. So let me recommend a set of Sennheiser PX 100s. They fold down to a very small size so they don’t take up any room, they’re light as a feather, and you can buy a set for about $50. Now, I didn’t even have to bother to tell you to bring your iPhone to the beach. They are permanently welded to our hands.
MONEY
I always make sure there’s 50 bucks or so in the bag for those surprise lunches and drinks. It’s also the reason I don’t bother with a cooler. When I get hungry or thirsty, I’m prepared to treat myself to an ice cream sandwich or a slice of pizza or a cold beer. I know you save money bringing your own, but again, that would just be one more item to lug. It’s worth the extra dough and good for the economy. The money goes in one of the zippered front pockets, in case you ever see my bag unattended.
NOTEBOOK
I wrote what you’re reading right now on one of those classic black-and-white marble composition books. One of the front zippered pockets is always loaded with pens and #2 lead pencils.
MACE
When you are as good-looking as I am and you’re strutting down the beach with no shirt on, you must have some Mace on you at all times. You never know when a horde of tanned, gorgeous babes will attempt to kidnap you … Whoops, sorry, I must have been dreaming.
Enjoy the fall!
